Tune up your EQ

14 Responses to “7th Law of Emotional Intelligence: Should We Change It?”

1. MT Says:
   May 22nd, 2007 at 3:52 pm

   How about just dropping the “can/will” part altogether, to make it more in the now, and less “future”:

   “I practice and learn new and more effective behaviors”

   Or take it a step further into an affirmation: “I learn and practice ever more effective behaviors”

   They all work : )

2. Ray Hobby Says:
   May 22nd, 2007 at 4:18 pm

   I like all 7 as they are …but only after recognising that are collectively coherent and are necessarily potentially provocative statements.

   Law 3 actually answers this apparent semantic dilemma.
   I have choices ! …and I ‘can’ practice and learn… In fact, I can do anything I like, but I hope that I will choose to do those things which are manifestly more beneficial for me …and others.

   That’s what [applied] Emotional Intelligence is for me …by allowing me to recognise and use my feelings at eh same time as taking the feelings of others into account.

   Tanika does us all a favour in our ‘consideration seminar’ on these 7 Laws, in that, we ‘can’ do what we want, but hopefully we ‘will’ practice them because we have adopted the Laws as part of ‘our set of values’
   …but then that embodies Laws 5 and 6.

   That’s why they are coherent.
   The Laws are re-entrant and form a circle and are not linear, since each Law ‘can’ add something to any of the others …after due consideration of this and any other proposal, followed by another look at the set of Laws.

   As MT says, ‘They all work’ …together.

   Good this [applied] EI, innit…?

3. Galba Bright Says:
   May 22nd, 2007 at 4:38 pm

   Hello MT: Thanks for your observations. They got me thinking again. Words can be very powerful can’t they?

   Hello Ray: thanks for your feedback. It’s interesting to get your take on this. When I wrote them, I envisaged them as building on one another, with 7 being the highest point. I agree that they are interrelated.

   To both of you, your quick response is encouraging me to look at them more deeply once more. I’m inclined to encourage others to comment, listen to everyone’s views and reach a decision by the end of June. Thanks, Tanika for raising the point initially. everyone’s views

4. Tanika Williams Says:
   May 22nd, 2007 at 4:51 pm

   Interesting….! I like this.

   I do agree with MT and Ray each law is embodied in the other. They are very effective as they and have been very enlighting even though they are in so simple words.

   However, for me I find it more fulfilling since as Ray pointed to Laws 5 &6, which both speak of identifying and recognising choices thus influencing a scrutiny of behaviourand then, to start to change behaviour for the better. Hence, it becomes automatic to not can learn…. but instead will….because after fulfilling laws 5&6 one is on a higher plain, that of “automatic fulfilment”

   I love this this is EQ fun!!!!!!!!!!!

5. Ray Hobby Says:
   May 23rd, 2007 at 12:02 am

   I agree, Tanika - EI [or EQ] IS fun !

   I have to say, however, that I would prefer that my decision was based on a metacognition of my choices, rather than being on an ‘automatic’ level. ‘Automatic’, to me, suggests ‘doing something without thought’.
   An amygdalan hijack is a form of automatic reaction rather than a considered response and I want my hormones to be under control before I make a decision that affects my behaviour. In reality that doesn’t always work, of course, but I do try hard.
   I suspect you are suggesting that it becomes ’second nature’, which I can appreciate, but I sincerely believe that ‘the process’ of consideration - of self and others - is part of an emotionally intelligent behaviour.
   It also illustrates that EI has to be applied or else it remains a sterile concept.
   Thanks for your consideration of my view. Our exchange actually substantiates Dan Goleman’s definition of EI and intrinsically consolidates some important aspects of EI …as well as the fun.

   Best Wishes …Ray
   PS I try to incorporate these ideas in my work as a Management & Training Consultant …in the UK.

6. Tanika Williams Says:
   May 24th, 2007 at 12:05 pm

   Thanks Ray.

   It’s very good you are endearing to incorporate these ideas into your job. I also strive to do so; but I think my current job limits me, hence, am on a quest to source the perfect career/vocation to embellish such growth of practical knowledge. All the Best.

   True it is paramount that “consideration” be had in all circumstances and more so in relation to others

   Tanika

7. Ray Hobby Says:
   May 24th, 2007 at 1:57 pm

   Hmm…
   Your part in this exchange, Tanika, could be part of an interview for a job working for Galba…?
   In that sense, it may be the - ‘perfect career/vocation to embellish such growth of practical knowledge’.

   I frequently find that many people do not think things through adequately, so your thoughtful comments encourage a similarly thoughtful response.
   Thus, when people share an appreciation of EI - AND apply it - everyone has the opportunity for a better understanding of the real values of EI …and other people, too.
   This consideration is circular …or re-entrant - and shows how or, even, why the 7 Laws are equally re-entrant and, hence, valuable.

   To add to this picture consider Timothy Gallway’s equation -
   Effective Performance = Potential - Interference

   All we have to do is restrict or limit the Interferences [ALL we have to do… Hah !]
   Just the process of identifying them is a valuable exercise. Whether it is possible to restrict or limit them may be another matter,
   but - Hey, this EI is still fun !

   Keep at it.
   Sincerely
   Ray

8. Galba Bright Says:
   May 25th, 2007 at 9:09 am

   Hello Ray:

   I’ve really enjoyed your contribution and insights in the conversation about the 7th Law. Your equation from Gallway is powerful, as most profound ideas that are based on simplicity. As you say, the challenge is to keep to these simple precepts.

9. Galba Bright Says:
   May 25th, 2007 at 9:14 am

   Hello Tanika:

   I really appreciate you’re having initiated this conversation. Your regular reviews of the 7 Laws and other EQ materials has encouraged me greatly. I believe that it’s better when a person reviews an argument before they accept it unreservedly. I’ve observed that in you when meeting you in person, as well as by way of our virtual conversations.

10. Tanika Williams Says:
    May 29th, 2007 at 12:51 pm

    Thanks Ray and Galba- your expressed thoughts are most overwhelming. It is good to have such productive and intelligent conversations.

    Ray- I shall keep such a simple equation in mind as I go through my daily challenges.Simple but very, very demanding. However, there is strength in law 4″No one can may me upset, anger,etc. Such an influence I would see as “interferences”.

    Gentlemen do continue the good work and always strive for EXCELLENCE!

    Peace

11. Galba Bright Says:
    May 30th, 2007 at 3:01 pm

    Hello Tanika:

    Thanks for the encouragement and for getting this conversation started in the first place. I enjoyed the link you made between Roy’s equation and Law#4

12. Tune up your EQ » Blog Archive » A Deeper Look At The 7th EQ Law Says:
    June 26th, 2007 at 1:56 pm

    […] If you want to get a handle on the essence of Emotional Intelligence, you really should read the comments they made at the 7th Law of Emotional Intelligence:Should We Change It? post. […]

13. Jason Says:
    September 2nd, 2007 at 11:43 am

    I agree with MT. Putting it as can leaves you with the escape clause of “I can, I’m just not right now.” Using “I will” leaves you an escape of “I will some day, just not today.”

    Now look at it in the present tense, such as “I am learning and practicing new and more effective behaviors.” There are no ways left to have that be true and not do it right now.

14. Galba Bright Says:
    September 3rd, 2007 at 6:26 am

    Hello Jason:

    Thanks for your observations. You spell out the implications of each choice of words in a very clear way. These Laws are always up for review, so I’ll reflect on your suggestion.

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