Tune up your EQ

In his Beyond The Hype 3 of 3 post Anthony Mersino assesses the strengths and weaknesses of training, coaching and books in helping a person to increase their EQ

Here’s my answer to Anthony’s question about how valuable books are when it comes to improving your EQ. Our dialogue is the result of Sarah Fister Gale’s Beyond The Hype Article in which both Anthony and myself were featured.

For a quick read of my assessment, you can scan the main bullet points in the table below. If you want to read in more detail, the text is below.

I’m a fan of books in certain circumstancs, so to restrain myself, I’m going to start with their cons.
The Cons Of Books

1. Reading books is a minority activity for many adults in the United States. Books tend to be even less popular in Jamaica, so a massive obstacle is that books simply aren’t a popular medium for many people.

2. An EQ book will never change you. As Stephen R. Covey says in the 8th Habit:

To Know And Not To Do Is Not To Know.

3. If you’re not highly motivated, you might never finish the book, you might read it at a superficial level and you certainly won’t apply any valuable nuggets, tips and advice that you stumble over.

4. Books tend to be conceptual.To really learn from an EQ book, you need to take the abstract concepts and apply them in a way that speaks to your personal situation. That’s what “a-ha” moments, flashes of recognition are all about. Popular EQ writers like Robert Cooper mix a ton of stories with scientific facts as they seek to get you to engage with the concepts.

5. It follows that, if you don’t have a decent level of insight into your behaviour, you’re unlikely to get a radically higher level of awareness from reading a book.

6. If you love company, reading a book that is designed to raise your self awareness and help you to manage yourself effectively will rarely win out when compared with the excitement that to be had from going out for a drink, visiting the movies, enjoying a great night out at a concert, or playing around with your kids etc, .

7. The isolation that reading a book produces can be deepened when you try to put some of what you’ve learnt into practice and your friends begin to worry whether you’ve joined a new cult. :). Perhaps developing a reading buddy relationship, joining a group,or, yes, you guessed it, reading a few good quality EQ and brain based research blogs, can help you to foster a sense of community that can take the edge off your isolation.

The Pros Of Books

1. Experts agree that when you seek to increase your Emotional Intelligence, you’re entering into a new journey that involves new ways of thinking, feeling and behaving. That’s why I asked you What Will You Unlearn in 2007 Good EQ books help you become clear about important EQ concepts. A Learning Programme can triggger your desire to develop your EQ. Books have a great potential role in sustaining and directing this desire.

2. I’ve read a sample chapter from Anthony Mersino’s forthcoming book, Emotional Intelligence For Project Managers. I am highly motivated to learn more about EQ and I found his practical techniques and applications very helpful.A good EQ book should give you some useful tools and approaches that you can use in the real world.

3. Other books that have helped me immensely to develop my EQ are Stephen R. Covey’s “8th Habit”, Robert Cooper’s “Get Out Of Your Own Way” and Victor Frankyl’s “Man’s Search For Meaning.” These have built on the foundation publications by Daniel Goleman “Emotional Intelligence” and “Working With Emotional Intelligence”
Free TIP: If you’re really serious about improving your EQ, make sure that you read a ton of books that don’t have the term Emotional Intelligence or EQ in the title.

4. A helpful EQ book should have practical exercises. Authors are increasingly encouraging you to ask questions at the end of each chapter to help you apply what they are trying to teach you. Stephen R. Covey’s “8th Habit” is an example of this genre, as is Rick Warren’s best-seller “The Purpose Driven Life.”

5. Some people find my no cost Tune up your Emotional Intelligence Workbook helpful. You’ll notice that I’ve included practical exercises at the end of each section so you can tailor your learning and turn the Workbook into your personal learning journal.

6. If a person is motivated and recognises the benefits of self development, books are highly flexible tools for improving your Emotional Intelligence. For example, you can repeat a concept over and over until you finally “get it”. In a Learning Programme, you might be perceived as being disruptive if you ask the facilitator to go over a subject again and again until the light comes on.

So, I argue that 6 pros can easily defeat 7 puny cons. Let’s pause before we go ahead and bash the Emotional Intelligence books. If you put enough energy and heart into reading them, you can achieve amazing results.

Stephen R. Covey encourages readers to teach the principles of the 8th Habit to others as they read the book.

Remember his wise words:

To Know And Not To Do Is Not To Know.

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