This is the eighth and final article in the Thriving on Change series.
“If you put a frog in water and slowly heat it, the frog will eventually let itself be boiled to death. We, too, will not survive if we don’t respond to the radical way in which the world is changing.”
Quotation on the front cover of the book “The Age of Unreason” by Charles Handy.
Flickr Credit: Photo by: nellring Creative Commons Attribution License
My 7 Laws of Emotional Intelligence will help you thrive on change.
You won’t become a boiling frog.
This article is longer than usual. You’ll learn exactly how the 7 Laws work together, then you’ll consider four very different examples of how the 7 Laws help you to thrive on change. I hope you’ll find the article helpful.
For New Readers
If you’re new to the blog, read or bookmark this Thriving on Change article. Also, sign up here for your free Thriving on Change assessment.
Why You Need 7 Laws of Emotional Intelligence
There is a ton of information about Emotional Intelligence. Google the term “emotional intelligence” and you’ll see 2,010,000 results. Some of you find the books and other resources very technical.
The sheer mass of information can be overwhelming.
Do you want to struggle through all the emotional intelligence materials?
Do you have the time?
Most of the books are crammed full of emotional intelligence concepts. This is fine, if you’re preparing for an emotional intelligence exam, but it won’t move you forward.
You need to go further if you want to improve your EQ.
To start increasing your Emotional Intelligence right away, you need clear practical principles to guide you.
That’s where my 7 Laws come in.
Focus on the fundamentals of EQ. Save your time. Read this simple, action-oriented guide.
I’m In A Rush, What Is the Essence of the 7 Laws?
How you think, feel and behave are all closely linked. the 7 Laws help you experience these connections.
Make this knowledge work for you. Improve your quality of life and achieve career success
Power your way to your goals by making conscious choices.
Download Galba Bright’s 7 Laws Of Emotional Intelligence right now, bookmark this article and be sure to read it later.
How The 7 Laws Work
The 7 Laws help to you to stop making trigger responses to a stimulus, for example, if you always become defensive when someone criticizes you. Here’s what the automatic response looks like.
It’s always a knee jerk reaction and it’s always the same. You’re rarely happy with the results.
Your quality of life gets a boost when you’re able to choose from a variety of responses to a stimulus. This is shown in the second image in the graphic below.
You empower yourself in two stages:
Stage 1: You develop options about how you relate to a stimulus.
Stage 2: You make wise choices from your range of options.
Here are each of the 7 Laws in sequence. Click on the hyperlinks to read more about each of them.
Law #1: I am responsible for my own feelings.
Law #1 is fundamental. To become responsible for your feelings, you must first know what they are. Get beyond general statements like “I’m OK” and “I’m fine”. Search your feelings and use more specific phrases that describe how you REALLY FEEL, for example:
“I am overjoyed”
“I feel frustrated.”
Law #2: I am responsible for my own behaviour
Once you discover the deep truth that Law #1 contains, get to work on Law #2. Taking responsibility for your behaviour frees you to take a close look at what you do. It’s the beginning of the amazing journey of improving yourself.
Law #3: I always have choices about how I respond to situations, events and people.
At school you learned that 1+2 = 3. It’s the same with the 7 Laws.
Law #3 follows from Laws 1 and 2. Follow this Law and take more responsibility for your life. Behave more effectively. Stop blaming others or your circumstances for your life.
You’re making progress. Claim your victories.
Law #4: No-one can make me upset, angry, happy etc.
Consistently practice Laws 1,2 and 3 and you’ll experience a miracle. You’ll become far more aware of yourself.
Develop a profound understanding of your strengths and weaknesses.
Don’t become complacent at the Law 4 stage. You’ve learned some potentially powerful Laws. Now you need to progress to Law 5.
Law #5: Identifying my choices empowers me to take fresh look at my behaviour.
You’ll learn that you can improve your relationships with many people. Strengthen your ties with those that you respect. You can transform interactions with other people that used to be based on control or dependency.
Consciously assess how your feelings affect your behaviour. Become more honest with yourself.
Law 5 is full of exciting possibilities.
Law # 6: Recognising my range of choices is an excellent way to start changing my behaviour for the better.
This Law helps you become clear about your purpose. You learn to affirm your strengths and play to them. Acknowledge your weaknesses and find effective ways to address them, where necessary. You are constantly changing.
Begin to tap your true potential.
Law# 7: I can practice and learn new and more effective behaviours.
Law 7 is your lifelong learning process. It’s a constant spiral of self-development. Every day, you’re gaining new insights. Apply the new things that you learn about yourself and others for your own, and the world’s, benefit.
The 7 Laws help you to improve your self-knowledge. They make it easier for you to change. However, that is only the beginning. You can go far beyond responding to change. You can become more than just a passive survivor.
Your possibilities for thriving on change are limitless when you consistently apply the Laws to all areas of your life. Let’s look at 4 lessons that you can learn right now.
4 Powerful Thriving On Change Lessons From The 7 Laws
An Inspirational Insight From Viktor Frankyl
The Austrian psychologist, psychiatrist and neurologist Viktor Frankyl survived the Nazi death camps. He wrote the simple, powerful book “Man’s Search For Meaning.” He dug deep inside himself and came to an amazing realisation.
“Everything can be taken away from man but one thing-to choose one’s attitude in a given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
Frankyl’s insight has changed the lives of millions of people. The idea is simple and radical.
Whilst Frankyl must have struggled constantly with the pressure of giving in to the trigger response shown below:
He didn’t buckle.
Even in the most extreme and inhumane of environments, Frankyl was able to choose how he responded. He chose the approach shown in the second graphic in the image below.
Ultimately, Frankyl triumphed over his experiences. In the post-war years, he published more than 32 books (many of which were translated into 10 to 20 languages). Frankyl lectured and taught seminars all over the world. He also received 29 honorary doctorate degrees.
Although Frankyl’s parents and first wife died in the death camps, he re-married and died aged 92.
He transformed himself by discovering the meaning of his life. He did this by helping countless others to find meaning in their own lives.
Can you see the 7 Laws reflected in Viktor Frankyl’s story?
Law #1: I am responsible for my own feelings.
Law #2: I am responsible for my own behaviour
Law #3: I always have choices about how I respond to situations, events and people.
Law #4: No-one can make me upset, angry, happy etc.
Law #5: Identifying my choices empowers me to take fresh look at my behaviour.
Law # 6: Recognising my range of choices is an excellent way to start changing my behaviour for the better.
Law# 7: I can practice and learn new and more effective behaviours.
Follow Frankyl’s example and seek to attach a meaning to all the changes you experience, you’ll become more purposeful. You’ll improve your quality of life .
What will you do differently today, based on Viktor Frankyl’s story?
Do You Know How You Feel?
When you deal with a major change in the workplace, do you respond in a cool, calculated way?
I know that I don’t.
I suggest that there is always an emotional element to any organisational change that you experience.
That is what Law #1: I am responsible for my own feelings teaches you.
Accept that a change at work always stirs up your emotions. If you acknowledge your feelings, you can move on.
For example, when a team of young managers in the Jamaican hotel sector learnt that the fourth General Manager that they’d had in less than a year was about to leave, they were desparate.
However, once they openly recognised their deep fears, the team was able to start thriving on change. Law #1: I am responsible for my own feelings. was their springboard for meaningful, positive change.
Law # 1 can do the same for you.
To steer your way through your long and sometimes bewildering journey of organisational change, you need a guide, a useful tool.
During my MBA studies, Professor Colin Carnall taught me such tool. I’ve found it helpful and I’ve used it successfully with several clients. It’s called the coping cycle.
He explained that change often challenges your self-esteem. Professor Carnall described the 5 stages involved in adjusting to organisational change; denial; defence; discarding; adaptation; and internalization.
Here’s what the coping cycle looks like:
Read How To Conquer Your Fears And Thrive on Change, to read more about the hotel workers’ story.
The coping cycle helps you locate where you are in the change process. Use it to better understand the connection between how you feel,think and behave.
Could the coping cycle help you to live by my 7 Laws?
A Royal Emotional Intelligence Lesson: Prince Charles Dances “The Butterfly”
When Prince Charles visited Jamaica, he amazed many of us by dancing the hot Jamaican dance the butterfly, instead of the foxtrot or waltz that protocol would have dictated. His choice was novel. He behaved differently.
His new dance steps had a strong impact.
Read Prince Charles’ imaginary conversation with himself about the 7 Laws.
Law #1: I am responsible for my own feelings.
“Mmm.. I’m in Jamaica. I feel curious about what it will be like.”
Law #2: I am responsible for my own behaviour
“I wonder who I’ll meet. What new experiences will I have?”
Law #3: I always have choices about how I respond to situations, events and people.
“Mmm. No-one is waltzing or dancing the foxtrot.. .. your invitation to try the butterfly is interesting.”
Law #4: No-one can make me upset, angry, happy etc.
“I’m not afraid to look like a fool”
Law #5: Identifying my choices empowers me to take fresh look at my behaviour.
“What have I got to lose?”
Law # 6: Recognising my range of choices is an excellent way to start changing my behaviour for the better.
“Let’s give it a try”
Law# 7: I can practice and learn new and more effective behaviours.
“Nothing succeeds like success 
Wait till I tell my Mum “
Can you see the 7 Laws of Emotional Intelligence at work in Prince Charles’ story?
Enjoy A Feast of Ralph Marston’s Inspirational Quotations
Thriving on change will stretch your self-awareness. Let Ralph Marston’s words inspire you to persist and achieve:
“The obstacles you encounter are not preventing you from reaching your dreams. They’re merely blocking one particular path that you mistakenly assume is the only way to reach those dreams.”
“If you focus on the obstacles, then you give them more power. Instead, focus on your purpose, on your most authentic and fundamental intentions.”
“The world can trick you into thinking that there’s only one road to your destination. In truth, there are infinite ways to get where you wish to go.”
“There’s nothing that says you have to succeed in the same way as someone else. In fact, there’s nothing that says you must define success in the same way as someone else.”
“You are truly one of a kind, with your own unique passions and purposes. And you’re fully capable of traveling your own route to the fulfillment of your dreams.”
“Don’t be stopped just because the road that everyone else uses has been closed. Find your own path, and if that path is blocked find another, and you will surely reach whatever destination you choose.”
Thank You
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this article. I’m also grateful to you for reading the entire Thriving on Change article series. Here are the links to all the articles.
Part 1: Are You Thriving on Change ?
Part 2: Warning: To Thrive On Change, You Must Be Self Aware
Part 3: How To Conquer Your Fears And Thrive on Change
Part 4: How To understand How You Change
Part 5: Persistence: The Secret Way To Thrive on Change, Part 1
Part 6: Persistence: The Secret Way To Thrive on Change, Part 2
Part 7: 33 Time Tested Tactics To Stop You From Thriving on Change
Download your free Thriving on Change BrightIdeas presentation .
Download your free Thriving on Change Asessmment.
Thank you if you’ve already downloaded the assessment. I hope you find it useful. Do let me know by commenting in the comment box below, or by completing the contact form.
I’m grateful to Al, From 7P Productions,
Albert, From Urban Monk,
Jean Browman–Cheerful Monk,
Robyn McMaster,
Anthony Mersino,
Patricia - Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker,
Priscilla Palmer,
Quint,
Steve Roesler,
Paul A. Shope, of Success Current, and,
Barbara Sliter, of Creatorship
Tina Su, and
Ellen Weber
for your comments. You’ve really helped shape my thinking and writing.
Are you ready to thrive on change?
Can you see that my 7 Laws will help you?
The Bottom Line
It’s not in the least bit selfish to spend time knowing getting to know yourself. Indeed, it’s a crucial step in sharing your gifts with the world.
This is what transformation is all about.
ENJOY YOUR EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE JOURNEY !!!
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Finish off the retreat with a “closing circle, where everyone gets the chance to offer his/her comments.
